What Am I Worth?

​I saw the nurse so happy, the moment I came out of my mother’s womb. She held for a second before saying something alien in a disgusted baritone.

The happiness vanished before I could cry it out and tell her something.

When someone held me in His arms, I could feel his masculine muscles crushing little hands of mine and trying to say that you are unwanted. He was ashamed of me.

She with no choice left had to pick me up and be the strong one in spite of having some guilt; just in order to make me walk.

I struggled to walk, to eat, to see, to hear, to feel and all this world did was separate me from the lot.

I was a burden on them, ever and always.

I kept longing for my father’s warm embrace and my mother’s love and nurture…

I kept wandering in the silhouettes of this manly world where everyone saw me from outside; for my appearance… I feared of being lost in this world, a plentiful time…

My skin, my eyes, my lips, my bosom, my gentalia all misled them into my trap and blamed me for trying to win them over…but alas! They forgot I had a human heart too! Just like them.

Everyone judged me for who I’m from outside or what I could do outside. Never did they ask what I feel on the inside? My feelings, emotions never became any sentences for I was born to take orders, they said.

I am objectified, and made a subject of eye candy at every gala moment.

I made to do all the chores. They made me cook, clean, wash, study whereas the other One sat and studied for long hours and threw pieces of vulgar advice.

They were keen on getting rid of me for marrying off the burden to a perfect stranger who can use me up further more for my sexual capabilities, with the hard cash money they earned, but then I broke down and shattered their so-called dreams.

They said try for a conventional job made only for me, even though I hated the stream…but even then I TRIED…I lie not I tried to get through …but luck was never on my side you see.

Am I just to be weighed in gold, cash, ability to procreate, or physical commodity?

Don’t I have a will?

Don’t I have a heart?

Won’t I have a choice?

And They all replied, “NO!”; “you are cursed as a Girl and hence live in the hell like one”.

 

 

-Aparajita

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